Dead Space

I am so used to a nonstop barrage of mental noise and narrative that a day when it isn’t there feels like a day in someone else’s mind. I am so mentally exhausted right now that my mind cannot form a complete, coherent sentence. It is literally talking nonsense, crossing disparate streams of thought again and again and short-circuiting with the zzzzz that reminds me I should have slept more. But today this fatigue is not really physical; it is mental. Too many hours solving problems over the weekend, too few relaxing my mind. And so today? Today my normal Magorium Wonder Emporium of a headspace is this dank, echoing tin warehouse where the few fluorescent bulbs still lit buzz incessantly and reveal only the emptiness of the building.

Can you see me? How is that possible? I am not here….

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5 Comments

Filed under Ramblings, Writing

5 responses to “Dead Space

  1. And yet by the end of the post the sentences flowed brilliantly.

  2. ABE

    Exhaustion has been part of my life so long I have learned to cope. Up until recently, this required 3-5 half-hour rests a day – no light, no sound, lying flat.

    I couldn’t really fall asleep each time – so I learned to relax, do yoga breathing, stretch my spine, and let thoughts flow out. When highly stressed, it would take doing deliberate breathing the WHOLE time.

    Things for me are ALWAYS better afterward.

    Whatever you do to reset, try to do a couple extra ones after such a weekend. You know what works for you – use it.

    • Fascinating insight. I have never tried meditating in a serious way. When it’s cool enough to work out right after work, for me a walk or jog around the park is a really great way to clear my head and put a clean break between the stress of the day and whatever stresses I might be putting on myself in the evening in terms of accomplishing things.

      Otherwise what I do is disconnect from the part of my brain that thinks…either via reading or via some tactile process that needs any part of my mind but my logical/critical-thinking/problem-solving mind. I get very arts and crafts oriented, but only on stuff that is either entirely right-brained or things I already know how to do. I really wanted to read tonight but made myself decorate an accessory instead. And now that is done, and it made me happy, and I don’t have to stay up past my bed time to find out what happens. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ABE

        Not much meditating goes on, I’m afraid.

        I concentrate on the breathing to AVOID meditating – I don’t have the energy. I tell myself to count through the next three breaths: fill the whole body, hold 2 counts, let it all fall out (open mouth), push the last air out with all my muscles.

        I think focusing on breathing as a task disconnects my mind from everything else.

        Praying sometimes happens, but it is the focus on doing something utterly minor three times in a row, first on my back and then on each side, that settles my mind.

        What works for you is going to be different – the disconnection you achieve with a craft sounds perfect. I just don’t have that choice. And your happiness is a huge benefit.

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