“That mythical creature called a female INTJ”

My latest foray into being reminded of my MBTI type has sparked kind of an obsession with typing. Probably because I never, not once, in all the 13+ years since I was originally exposed to it, thought to wonder if I was a rare type. It just…never occurred to me that types were not spread evenly across the population. Turns out, they’re not. Some types claim as much as 15-17% of the population (nearly 1 in 5!) while others hover at 2%.

I am, apparently, the rarest subtype of all: an INTJ female (approximately 0.5% of the US population, thus approximately 1% of the female population, thus encountered at a rate of approximately 1 in 100 females).  I may not be one in a million, but one in a hundred is still pretty slim odds. I am not sure I could name 99 other women I know well enough to be sure I was seeing their real personality (versus the construct they create for non-intimates), and I would guess that most men couldn’t, either. So while it might lack the romance of the hyperbole, in practical terms “not one woman in a hundred” is quite hard to find.

A sub-Reddit exists for 2X-INTJ’s, and reading through the posts there has been quite revalatory for me. It confirms my type–so many of the things they talk about are things I have experienced too many  times to count (being accused of having A Look, getting looked at like you’re an alien, having people react negatively to your directness,having no problem speaking to someone “higher up the foodchain” when you have an idea, being confused by normal social interactions, being bored by other women, getting along much better with men, and on and on), and 90% of the perspectives expressed on work, friendship, relationships, felt like I could have written them–but also tells me that I am not nearly as far on the T spectrum as many INTJ women. This is consonant with how I tested, which was something like 100% preference for introversion, 57% for intuition, 5% for thinking, and 20% for judging.

Someone had posted a link to an article about INTJ females in pop culture, and how Katniss from The Hunger Games trilogy and Hermione from the Harry Potter series present the two paths for INTJ, Scientific (Katniss) and Creative (Hermione). There is some contention on the main INTJ forum about whether Hermione really is INTJ, or if she is ISTJ or INFJ. Personally, I would classify her as an INTJ who has strong development of the tertiary function (feeling), but maybe that’s projecting because I have felt since book 1 that Hermione was pretty much exactly like me. Not just in the positive ways of being really smart and logical and loyal, but also the obnoxious classroom behavior of being a know-it-all and a teacher’s pet and not having any friends and constantly reading and correcting people…yeah. I really liked the article and its presentation of two types. I am definitely the Creative type as described (and not just for the obvious reason of being an author)–the part that particularly hit me was about wanting to free people from intellectual chains. I’m passionately libertarian and often write posts (politics aside) aimed at getting people to re-think the structures around them, whether they are socio-political or current accepted formula in romance novels.

I have blogged before about being concerned that I’m making a bunch of characters exactly like me. I have no intention of trying to fabricate the experience of being another type, but I do think being aware of my own type and its tics and tells can help me avoid writing characters who are all the same (AKA, me). Or, to paraphrase Jack Nicholson’s character in As Good As It Gets, “I just think about what I would do and then take all logic and accountability away.”  There it is–the perfect formula for writing ESFP’s. 🙂

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95 Comments

Filed under Ramblings, Writing

95 responses to ““That mythical creature called a female INTJ”

  1. I, too, am a female INTJ. Nice to meet someone else! 😀

    • Hi Jaime! Yes, it is always fun to meet another INTJ, especially another lady! I don’t know if you are on Reddit, but the subforum for our type is eye-opening. It will reassure you that there really ARE other women out there who think like you. I don’t post there, but just reading through the comments makes me want to email to to all the people who have told my I’m weird (in a non-positive way) over the years and jump up and down pointing and laughing at them while I watch them read some of the posts. http://www.reddit.com/r/2X_INTJ/

      Anyway, thanks for stopping in to say hi, and if you read historical romance, then follow me! LOL. I am still working on a final tagline for my oevre but I am currently playing with “logical romance” as a theme….

  2. Dear Lily, I have just found out that I am also female INTJ. I just came across your article – I feel exactly the same – thank you! Greetings from Germany

    • Welcome to the club! I am still glad every time I hear someone say “I know/feel/think EXACTLY the same thing” – it’s shocking after decades of being looked at like some kind of anomaly. 🙂

  3. Sara Joy

    Hey Lily. Someone said that all characters in an author’s novel are reflections of their own psyche, just different dimensions of it. Technically speaking, I think that means we are getting in touch with our underdeveloped sides when we create characters in our books. Fiction is a “Safe way” to explore different kinds of people. You’re just learning about them in a metaphoric example that isn’t actually real.

    I tested INTJ for Myers Briggs (I resent the label. Frankly, I think it could be a faulty result) but I realize now that everyone develops beyond the purist (or caricature) of their “Type” and usually develops different emphases. So perhaps you’re writing yourself into your books more blatantly at first, but soon (maybe?) you’ll get revelations about how you are connected to other people. Perhaps those revelations will first come through your characters, and then surface consciously.

    What do you think of that theory? Have you seen any evidence of this in your journey as an author? I am reflecting on my own writing and just read your blog post. Putting two and two together. 🙂

    • Hi Sara,

      First, RE the “labeling” part of MBTI…yeah, I think INTJ’s are especially bad about using the label. Possibly bc we are all so used to being told how weird we are and now no one gets us that to find a community of similar people makes us a bit more clannish. I seriously doubt, for example, the ISTJ’s (with their 17% of the population) feel quite so isolated in terms of personality type in the wild. So if you are one of the better-adjusted INTJ’s, I can see where it might feel a bit… -ist. Also, if you took an internet test, you might try another and see if you get a different result. Sometimes they are not as accurate. I was give the test by a professional and was split evenly on F and T. I am definitely a T based on thought patterns and where I ground my logic (practical result vs emotive or moral imperative), so if you think it’s not actually your type you might read a bit more into the way the different functions play together. Having a different internal letter can mean you have entirely different thought process pairings. I get lost in the introverted intuition/extroverted sensing (verses introverted sensing/extrovered feeling) type process pairings, but I know what real-world scenarios apply to me and which just feel…foreign. I am actually quite well-adjusted for my type, at least externally – most of my sense of apartness is internal. I am quite emotional, I just don’t base my decisions on my “feelings” but that doesn’t mean I’m not feeling, though it sometimes looks that way to others (and even when I read my own blogs/emails back I see only the analytical process on page and think…”no wonder everyone thinks I’m weird. that really wasn’t everything in my head!”).

      But blah-blah-blah on the type stuff. To your very interesting question: I actually believe that reading is a hugely important source of empathy-play and learning to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. The stories we choose to read can be very much a reflection of things we are afraid to experience for ourselves but are curious about. I write the stories I want to read, but I honestly don’t know whether I am writing characters who represent under-used aspects of me, or the sort of “black swan” personality that is the opposite of what I normally am, or if I am writing what I normally am because I can’t find it in anyone else’s books. Maybe a mixture of both. I don’t consciously write characters who are like me, even thought I do give each of them – at least the main characters and important minor ones – an aspect of myself. But I try to focus on different pieces and use that as the starting point for figuring out who that person is…some of them should come up different and be a little foreign to me by the end. But honestly? I can’t self-evaluate my work well enough to tell. Not at that level.

      As to whether early characters are more like me…hard to say if what I am writing at this point still adheres to that. I have been starting (and occasionally finishing) stories since I was 14 or 15. Early on the characters were either analogs to me or complete plot constructs. Now I tend to let characters tell me who they are. That sounds so dippy, I know, but my process of writing stories is not to plot but to let my mind become a stage and the characters act out various scenarios until we find the one that works, that intuitively feels right for who the characters are, and then plug that event into my outline. I do think that more often than not characters still do what I would do in the situation, or what I would want myself to do (which may not be the same thing), and they connect to others in ways that I understand. If I grow beyond that, I am not there yet.

      Intriguing question. I’ll ponder it as I finish more stories and start more new ones. 🙂

      • Twig

        Hey Lily,
        Its possible you are an HSP (highly sensitive person) since you test so evenly on your F and T in the Myers Brigg test: http://www.hsperson.com/ About 15-20% of the population are HSPs. HSPs have more highly attuned nervous systems so they are more sensitive to their environments. They process things more deeply and become overwhelmed by external stimuli much quicker than non-HSPs. They have a tendency to observe before they jump in.

        I am also an INTJ woman who was often split between F and T on the MB tests. It wasn’t until I did some extensive research that I figured out what was going on. I base all my decisions on logic and objective thinking, like yourself, and analyze everything I encounter in my life! My thought patterns are Thinking all the way. However, I am more sensitive emotionally and take things more personally than most INTJs. I also hate arguments, mostly I think because I find them overstimulating. I am also extremely sensitive to my environment: sounds, smells, etc. It was a big challenge for me growing up. For example: I think learning to drive was one of the most stressful experiences I had as a teenager, seriously traumatizing for me because it is such an overstimulating experience. I also had MAJOR issues with fire works, balloons, and other loud noises as kid. I still hate them, but have learned to deal.

        Check out the info about HSPs, if you haven’t heard of it. Super interesting stuff. Huge revelations for me after learning about that. So helpful in understanding myself! 🙂

      • Hi, Twig!

        I had not heard about HSP’s. Checking it out now….

        ….huh. Interesting. I didn’t take the survey (not enough time before work!) but it’s definitely possible. I am light-sensitive (can’t sleep if there is light, wake up the second the sky gets light outside) and extremely noise-sensitive. I remember being a kid at slumber parties, and if a movie was on in the communal room, I could not sleep, even if I laid down and tried to sleep before it started. I am still that way…husband is not allowed to have a TV in our room for that reason. If he has the TV on at home, I have to go in another room and lock the door to write. At work I have days I can’t get anything done without headphones/earplugs because of noise. I assumed it was ADD, lol, I will definitely look into it further!

        As to the emotional sensitivity (which I think is a different thing) – it might be because you are an INTJ who doesn’t shut down your emotions for lack of being able to deal with them. I know some INTJ’s who just don’t want to feel things – and I definitely have the ability to shove feelings away, though I rarely do it….seems unhealthy – and I think it traps them into a cycle of not knowing how to deal with their own emotions because they won’t let themselves feel them. My method is generally to just let it overwhelm me, Have a good cry/go on an angry workout/go for a drive and sing along to my favorite songs to be happy and just FEEL for an hour or two. And then I’m rebalanced and back in control.

      • noname

        I am a ‘strong’ INTJ woman. My scores are almost 100% INTJ on all measures: 100 introverted, 85 Intuitive, 90 thinking and 80 Judging. I also scored identically on all the tests Ive taken. Ive felt different all my life until about three or so years now. Now I revel in who I am. I have come to cherish my strengths and live with my flaw. One thing struck me as I read the comments…just how perfect the grammar is in the ones I read. I am highly perfectionistic and I hear its a common trait among us. We also tend to be highly intelligent. I say INTJ is a great type to be. I used to want to change, but thank goodness I was born INTJ!

      • Noname – I would also posit that INTJ’s in general probably have a strong grasp of grammar because we have an intrinsic love for understanding systems at both the macro and micro levels, so we process and pay attention to that sort of thing. Plus we all hate being inefficient, and there is nothing less efficient than being unable to clearly communicate because you cannot use language properly 🙂

        I feel you so much on your arc of self-perception. When I was younger I used to lament that I had been born a girl – not in the sense that I wanted to be a boy or felt like a boy, but I felt I would have an easier time having my oddities accepted if I were a boy rather than a girl. I noticed that if boys made the kind of jokes I like to make, people laughed instead of…not laughing, and boys never seemed to care what your personality was as long as you were game for jumping into whatever activity they were doing, whereas girls’ games were all based on interactions and conforming to the group. As I grew out of childhood I stopped feeling that way, and as I’ve become an adult I wouldn’t change a thing about my formative social years or the way I view the world and process information.

  4. Sara Joy

    Where can I read your stuff? Current fiction is very boring to me.I like Scifi, Dystopia and heroic women (and men) but I feel like current trends are over the top. It’s very shallow. I end up going back to the kids section and reading Lois Lowrey and Scott Odell.

    • I…may not be of much help there. I write romance novels, and while they might be my own take on the genre they still very much adhere to the genre. Right now I jut have two works up on all the ebook sites. They are novellas (25k words, or 80-100 print pages) so not huge time or money commitments if you are curious. From what you describe being drawn to, they may not be your bag of treats. If you do try one I hope you enjoy! Links to Amazon are on the right sidebar, otherwise just search my name. 🙂

      • Sara Joy

        I will definitely check one out. I read everything. I have trouble sticking to one genre.

        People think I’m scattered but really I’m just jumping from one connecting point to another. To me, romance and historical fiction totally go together

        Quick question, though. It’s romance, right? Not “Erotica”? 🙂

      • Thanks! Hope you enjoy. Yes, these two are romance, not erotica. Both stories end well before any sex happens. 🙂

  5. ” It confirms my type–so many of the things they talk about are things I have experienced too many times to count (being accused of having A Look, getting looked at like you’re an alien, having people react negatively to your directness,having no problem speaking to someone “higher up the foodchain” when you have an idea, being confused by normal social interactions, being bored by other women, getting along much better with men, and on and on)” -As if I was describing myself…
    Especially the “getting looked at like you’re an alien” I say this all the time.
    Even w/ an ISTJ husband I feel like an alien. I always feel like I speak the same language as others just a lost dialect.

  6. Leslie

    I am also a femaie INTJ and laughed several time reading your article because I identified with so much of it. I have never related my getting along with men much better to be part of my INTJ, but it makes sense. Great read! 🙂

    • Glad you enjoyed! I have found that many things about me are explained by my being an INTJ. My husband is more skeptical, lol

      • Nina

        Hi Lily, i wonder how you met your husband, were there challenges during the dating period? If u don’t mind sharing.

      • Nina, I met my husband when we were in college. We met because we lived on the same bus route and eventually figured out we had a class together. We had several casual but easy conversations between Sept and Nov. Around Halloween I realized I had a crush on him, and made a point to initiate more and better conversations. Finally he asked me out after he caught me reading a really weird-sounding book and asked to borrow it when I finished, which I let him…after I wrote my number in it. He took the hint. 🙂

        As to the dating, we had a pretty immediate “click.” Most of the people I am close friends with also have that almost-instantaneous compatability in terms of having easy and enjoyable conversations. He and I understood each other on a lot of levels from having similar family lives, similar relationships to the other people n our lives, similiar academic interests, similar intelligence, etc. We spent two years basically with both of us having one foot out the door until we just realized there wasn’t going to be anything better out there.

        I don’t know if that sounds romantic or awful, but it’s what happened. We just both kept crossing potential deal-breakers off the list, and when all the deal-breakers were accounted for we started making lists of the qualities we had never encountered better and eventually that list added up to a person, and a relationship, that we couldn’t imagine surpassing. This makes it sound deliberate – it wasn’t like that, we just coasted along enjoying ourselves – but that is what we were subconsciously doing the whole time.

        For me the most important thing was feeling like he understood me. Most of the guys I knew before, who told me I was amazing or whatever, said that after what I felt was a very superficial acquaintance. I felt like I had yet to show them most of me, much less all of me, so the compliment felt like it was about the persona I put on in public, not the “real” me. He got to the real me very quickly, again we just had that inexplicable click, and so when he told me I was wonderful I believed he had seen the best and the worst of me.

        If it matters to your search, there was no point where he was in the friend zone. he was a cute guy I knew, and then a cute guy I realized I was attracted to, and then we were dating.

        Hope that helps!

      • Nina

        Your reply was very helpful. A lot of guys have gone on dates with enjoy the humorous, talkative side of me, but when im in mode where i need to recharge, they feel like im boring and difficult because id rather not be around a lot of people. Yes, what im really longing for is someone who understands me and respects me, because i know i work hard to give those things. Hopefully, ill find someone soon because im feeling like im at my wits end and really would like to start considering having a family. Thanks again for your advice!

  7. Leslie

    femaie = female
    time = times
    🙂 My INTJ forced me to correct this…

  8. Oh my! I totally get all of this. I’m also INTJ, though I’m trying to develop more of my creative/connective/emotional parts. Not for the outside world, but in typical INTJ fashion, to better understand how I operate and react, and to manage my health. And to learn how to use those elements in a productive way to acheive goals. Dearie me I’m INTJ!

    I also strongly associated with Hermoine, and have some of the recent BBC’s Sherlock’s tendancies, like moing way too fast for those around me and judging them when they can’t keep up. Seriously, why is 65000 words a minute that hard to follow? Especially when I’m jumping to new topics, clearly I’ve explained it all well ;).

    Great blog post.

  9. Nina

    I am an INTJ female as well, Ive known for a few years now. I can completely relate to your article…especially not being afraid to share my thoughts an opinions or plans for improvement with higher ups at my job. I address them as i would any other colleague (not an ass kisser by any means).
    I can only be apart of large groups for so long. Relationships are really hard for me, i try not to let the fact that many of my friendships or dating relationships havent worked, get to me but sometimes its hard being alone. I have one or two good friends at a time but they often look at me as if i am weird and i’m not always up for being treated like i’m strange. Although i’m able to have a lot of fun on my own, traveling, going to museums, and libraries. Sometimes i think its strange that other people feel like have to do the same things in a group. I do feel that i am a very caring individual and i have no prob with expressing emotion (crying-id rather do in private, or discussing my feelings), i did have that prob when i was a child but that has changed in my adulthood. So in that way i dont feel that im cold towards people but for the most part i am direct in my communication.
    I’m in search of an ENTJ male or female, friend or possibly more, i want to test out the compatibility theory, and hopefully gain a new friend in the end. If you reply to this post ill receive your message. Hope to hear from fellow INTJ or ENTJ soon!

    • Good luck finding someone to befriend! You really might check out the reddit subforum if you haven’t. Lots of ladies in the same/similar boat there…they might have some suggestions.

      I have had good luck with ISTJ in friendships, for some reason. The only INTJ I know in person is married to one.

      I choose my friends pretty carefully these days. I try to be myself, always, so that people know what they are getting. If they want to be friends, then it means they accept me and I don’t have to try and pretend to be something else or worry that thye think I’m weird. Either they don’t or they do but relish the weirdness so it’s okay. I am often accused by people who do not know me well of being rude or a bitch, while my friends will say “but you are one of the nicest people I know.” I think often bluntness is conflated with meanness of thought, which is so FAR from the truth that it’s a tragicomic misperception.

      As to group stuff – that puzzles me, too. Most of the introverted people I know enjoy doing things alone, so those who need a group often seem to me as though they are not deeply appreciating what they are doing/seeing/experiencing. I have to remind myself that for some people the shared experience is what MAKES the experience. But if that isn;t you, don’t try to force it! Just be yourself, and do what makes you happy, and be open to stumbling onto people who can appreciate you as you are.

  10. jassica

    Great post! I can definitely testify to the difficulty in maintaining friendships with other females and wanting solitude in general.

    • Yup. When I was younger I felt a little abnormal and out of place, socially. Now I have a better perspective on the world and know that on the range of oddness, mine probably isn’t more than one standard deviation above whatever the center of the bell curve (aka normal) is. So I worry about keeping my life balanced, and luckily I associate with a bunch of introverts so we all understand the antisocial needs, and take no offense if plans get abandoned because one of us needs to stay home and recharge. And for me the key to being friends with other women is finding the ones who like me, who don’t find my sometimes cold perspective or unintentionally rude bluntness off-putting. I like to think I give the people around me permission to be entirely honest – the catch is that an awful lot of people in this world, women especially (not sure if it’s an inborn psychology or cultural conditioning) don’t actually WANT to be honest or be treated without social masks. Find some who can, and they’re even better than dude friends. 🙂

  11. bitterpearl

    I’m a creative INTJ girl from the Philippines, one of the most extroverted countries in the world. I was looking up articles on the INTJ female when I stumbled upon your wonderful article. You definitely nailed it. It’s great to discover that I’m not alone. 🙂
    Ever since I was little, I knew I was different from the other kids, preferring the encyclopedia over comic books, and making my college student cousin explain to me the basics of physics just because I was curious to know. Now I’m an industrial designer by profession, but I’ve realized I’m different in my work approach since I’m more concerned about technical specifications, material costs, manpower, and deadlines instead of artistic originality or emotional impact. I find talking to men more intellectually stimulating (and more fun) than women, yet I spend more time with my girlfriends since I always need them to explain to me the ins-and-outs of relationships and other people’s attitudes. I’m really bad in understanding people, especially the overconfident yet superficial ones. Before, I intentionally avoid since I’m quite sharp-tongued, and I can point out their mistakes without thinking when they start bragging about things I have knowledge of (I dislike conflict). But over the years, I’ve learned how to deal with them, thanks to my wonderful friends blessed with high EQs.
    Small talk, although necessary, bores me, so I sometimes seek the company of older people (usually our managers at work), to talk about life and to ask for advice.
    One of my concerns is if I’m ever going to find a partner in life. Many males in my country are extroverted, fun-seeking, and “macho” – they normally prefer good looks and domestic skills over intelligence and strong character. Rare is the Filipino male who chooses a woman who can speak her mind, is career-driven, and is taller than the average female. Sadly, I am all of these. Hahaha.
    I’m curious to know whether two INTJs make a heavenly match, or if they just clash because neither of them are in touch with their emotions (as per stereotype), therefore are both unable to reach out to each other. 🙂

    • Hi bitterpearl,

      So nice to “meet” you! I am happy to hear you enjoyed my article so much. Your experiences with childhood and desire to learn just for the sake of knowing something sound like mine – as well as the fact that you focus on the practical elements of making a design efficient and ergonomic rather than original. I think with our type originality of thought often happens but as a byproduct, rather than the point, of how we approach a situation or problem.

      I have never been in a romantic relationship with an INTJ, but I have one close friend who is also INTJ. I think such a pairing could work very well as long as both people self-aware enough to understand their own emotions and needs and comfortable reaching out and saying “I need this from you.” Basically…two emotionally well-adjusted INTJs will probably be okay. And maybe two maladjusted ones would, as well, if they were content with mutual emotional torpor. I often feel the need to point out that INTJs are not unemotional or even less emotional than others, we simply APPEAR that way because we separate our emotions from our analysis. And I think some of us do tend to cut emotions off as if they are not useful or valid or relevant to the situation.

      I don’t know what to suggest in terms of how to meet the right kind of gentleman friend. I met a lot of guys who either adored me for what I felt were very poor reasons (such as being smart or original, when they hadn’t had more than a superficial conversation with me), and a lot more who were clearly attracted to me but did not want to date me. My husband asked me out because he saw me reading a book that looked interesting, ergo he thought I might be interesting. So hang out and look both available and interesting in places interesting men might be? Join a social club geared at introverts with similar interests? (Here in the states, if you join a group that is focused on, for example, science fiction, it’s a guarantee that some to most of the group will be introverts. I don’t know enough about Filipino culture to know if there is an obvious equivalent – but I would think generally any leisure activity that requires more brain than brawn should work)

      Good luck!

  12. I am a female INTJ as well. I first tested myself when I was 18 and struggling to make friends at college. I ended up withdrawing from college to work as a waitress for several years to build up my social interaction skills. But somehow I never was able to make new female friends; male friends came much more easily. Also I speak more comfortably to older people–people my own age have always made me nervous! Now I’m a Ph.D. in math candidate and I still don’t connect easily with other women (when I see pictures of brides surrounded by bridesmaids, I’m like… Well that’ll never be me!). My boyfriend has to practically bribe me to go to parties. I like the idea of having fun at parties but it’s never a reality for me (and I think his friends find me aloof). I recently decided to test myself again to see if perhaps my personality had changed, but it’s INTJ all over again.

    One thing I didn’t know until reading this was the idea that INTJ’s can speak to someone “higher up the food chain.” So true!! Last summer I was at a research facility with other students, and we were surrounded by some very famous mathematicians and scientists. I had no fear speaking to these people (they’re just people after all!) compared to the other students. They were like, you just spoke to Dr XYZ! I couldn’t understand why that was hard for them.

    One might guess a large subset of female mathematicians are INTJs but from my experience, that’s not the case (at least not at my ranked ~30 school–maybe at Harvard). In fact, the other women really lean on each other and work together in groups on everything. I’m more of a lone wolf. I guess I’m Katniss.

    • Hello!

      I had a different experience with college; growing up I had 2 close girlfriends but all my other friends were boys. When I got to college I made a lot of new guy friends, just as quickly and easily, but I was able to find other girls I could become friends with quickly and easily. I think a lot of it was having shared interests and intelligence (versus being a non-redneck in a redneck town).

      That said, though, easier is still not easy. Even today I find men much more easy to engage with and more comfortable to be around in a group setting. Women still confound me, other than the few I am friends with. One of these days I’m going to post my rant about women who hate women-who-hate-women….

      That’s interesting that there aren’t a higher percentage of INTJ women in your program. I could never stand groupwork or group study, either. I felt like I learned better if I was forced to think through a problem on my own; group study too quickly devolves into just getting the answer from someone else versus really learning the subject.

      I had two bridesmaids at my wedding. I am happiest when I have 2-3 really good friends at a time–more than that is too much of a time drain but fewer isn’t enough to keep me from feeling lonely. 2 of my 3 close lady friends right now don’t live in town. 2 of the 3 are, like me, super-introverted. They can be hard to find and hard to get to know, but if you can find the right type of lady friends they are amazing. good luck!

  13. Diamonda

    I am INTJ too. And it’s not easy at all, mostly because everyone expects me to be more emotional.
    P.S. I am not from english speaking world, so sorry for my grammar.

    • Your grammar there was flawless, but thank you for the warning 🙂

      I agree that there is a cultural expectation for women to be more emotional than the typical INTJ woman is. Nothing infuriates me more than accusations (from other women) leveled at characters or people *I* understand and relate to than “oh that’s just a man with tits.” I guess I am, too. Except, oh wait, I’m still biologically female….

  14. heather

    *raises hand* .. another INTJ woman here. I never knew this personality tested existed until a week ago and Halle-frickin-lujah. It’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one, but it’s also flattering that the female INTJ is so rare. I could relate to a lot of your orignal post. I could also add that finding a job when you don’t have a degree is a serious pain in the ass with this kind of personality, especially as a woman. Everyone wants super high energy, perky, bubbly, obnoxious people.

    • I think you sum up the reaction of every INTJ female to realizing we are not complete (i.e., unique) freaks – validation that we’re not completely outside the normal psychological constraints and also pride that we pretty much are as rare and special a breed as we have always felt like.

      It is hard for me to speak to the work issue you describe. I am one of the INTJ’s who come off (especially in work situations) as outgoing, so I have never encountered a bias against my introversion until after I was hired (when it typically creates friction with co-workers who don’t understand why I don’t give a shit about being their friend). In at least certain business climates (private sector, male-dominated business) my bluntness and no-nonsense attitude are treated as positives, signs of competence and experience and the ability to handle more responsibility. I don’t know what field you work in, but I would recommend finding an office or business that is mostly male if you can. I have rarely experienced sexism or inappropriate behavior in an academic or work environment, and I think a lot of it is that I don’t recognize it or refuse to acknowledge it and that attitude stops it rather than keeping it going. Good luck!

  15. Erin

    I am so happy to discover this site. Years ago I took the Myers Briggs. It came up INTJ, and the administrator said few women have that personality type and that I should be a scientist. I didn’t pay much attention. I recently retook the MB test. I’m still an INTJ. This time I had the internet available to find out what that meant. I am much relieved to learn that (1) I am not a freak, and (2) I am not entirely alone.

    I started out a science major and then changed. I still regret that decision. I really should have been and electrical engineer. Instead, I went to law school. According to the websites on the matter, many INTJs become lawyers. I didn’t care for the profession. I found I am much more comfortable solving intellectual puzzles than other people’s problems. For a day job I now write about tax law for a business media company. I also am writing romantic suspense–so it was even more delightful to discover your site. I feel even a little less crazy.

    I also am so happy to learn that there are other women out there who don’t understand the need for lipstick, curling irons, and accessories, but who still like men–as friends and romantic partners. And, yes, my success rate in the romance department is less than stellar. I realize I just have to find the guy who likes the way my mind works. I have no trouble attracting males. I have a very respectable figure that I work hard at maintaining–in an INTJ way–distance running–yes! Yoga class–eek! I just scare most men when I start speaking.

    I have a friend who keeps trying to mainstream me. She gets the introverted part and, to a certain extent, the thinking part. She just doesn’t seem to get that I am never going to get that into large group girls’ night out events or care about jewelery, pop culture or office politics. She also tried to ask for my opinion on redoing her bathroom. I had to admit that I was not a good source. I hang a pretty shower curtain and call it good.

    • I just saw that I never responded to this! I think I must have read it during the worst of my baby-fog and forgot I never responded. 😦

      My (INTP) husband tried law school and hated it, because it wasn’t theoretical but was just about manipulating the system. It didn’t sound pleasant to me, so I am kind of surprised to hear it’s a profession a lot of INTJ’s go into. I never had an ambition toward a science-based profession, even though in school the classes I liked most (even if I didn’t want to admit it) were science. Chemistry in particular was great because it was all solving puzzles. I think in my hobbies that puzzle-solving comes out via my sewing. I design my own patterns most of the time which is a lot of math and 3-d geometry. Hard sometimes but god what a feeling of triumph when I figure out the solution!

      What you describe about men sounds about in line with my experience. I was blessed with good genes, so getting male attention has always been easy for me (well, past high school, anyway…couldn’t get a date in those days to save my life). Most of the time, though, guys follow one of three paths: completely dazzled and call me amazing after a very superficial acquaintance, which is insulting because he hadn’t scratched the surface of me yet; completely intimidated and therefore uninterested in pursuing anything; or not sexually interested (most of the time, mutually so) but super-excited to make me a bro. None, obviously, are viable dating paths. I think I met a grand total of 3 guys who for various reasons saw me the way I would want a prospective partner to see me before I started dating my husband.

      I tend to pick my lady-friends carefully, generally based around either them having the same interest level in “girly” stuff so we can shop and dress up together comfortably (vs someone looking over- or under-done), or having the fortitude not to get offended if i say “i don’t fucking care” when they ask me about redecorating. 2 of my close gal-pals also cosplay so this helps, and at least 1 gets “bro’ed” about as often and easily as i do.

      Anyway, very pleased I could make you feel like less of a freak! Good luck with your writing, if you have a blog or website or anything let me know!

  16. “Being accused of having A Look, getting looked at like you’re an alien, having people react negatively to your directness,having no problem speaking to someone “higher up the foodchain” when you have an idea, being confused by normal social interactions, being bored by other women, getting along much better with men, and on and on”

    Wow, just…I almost feel like I could have written that!
    -another female INTJ

  17. I’ll just be heading over to check out XX_INTJ now.
    -Fellow female creative libertarian INTJ

  18. I am also a female INTJ. I had a psychiatrist tell me I was LUCKY because so few people are the mix of logic and creativity that I am. And that’s what we INTJ’s are all about.

    • What a succinct and interesting assessment! It feels true. Although sometimes when I am told how creative or original I am, in terms of thoughts, I feel like a fraud because I feel my insights or conclusions are so obvious they cannot be unique.

      Because of that I really like Hermione’s line from one of the later Harry Potter movies (i don’t recall it from the book, but it might be in one of them), something like “actually, I’m highly logical and can therefore see patterns where others might not.” I don’t know if it’s creativity per se so much as a stubborn insistence on getting all the information and making our own sense of it rather than just accepting the sense someone else made of it. But maybe that’s exactly what originality or creativity is. 🙂

  19. I’m a female INTJ…but my J is so minimal that I’m almost a full hybrid between INTJ and INTP. >_>

    And I’m pretty sure my parents are ES?Js. I’ve told them for years that I’m just an unusual personality type, but they insist there’s something wrong with me. My mother has lately started believing that I must have Asperger’s. (One of my best friends has Asperger’s. There are so many reasons that I cannot possibly have Asperger’s that it isn’t funny.)

    Yeah…

    • Erin

      There is a difference between being unable to recognize other people’s emotions and merely choosing not to respond to them or in the way they want you to respond.

    • I have to say, I am jealous of your hybridization…my husband is an INTP, and he is at the logical/rational extreme of it, so my straddling the F/T line means he always has an edge in arguments even beyond what he would normally. (I’ve seen at least one INTJ go into an in-depth breakdown of why INTP’s can almost always win arguments against us).

      Luckily for me my parents, whatever they are, are so effing weird and outside the normal social/moral constraints that they never really thought much about me or my brother (also an INTJ, though he takes the scientific approach) being “weird.” Unique, perhaps, but always special and wonderful.

      I think the circumstantially diagnosed Asperger’s (vs an actual psychologist’s diagnosed Asperger’s) is a convenient shorthand for “my kid is weird and I can’t explain why.” For people who make most of their decisions and judgments based on their Feels (which it sounds like your parents maybe do), the rationality of an INTJ can seem alien, cold, and almost inhuman. As Erin so very aptly points out, there is a huge difference in your not understanding/recognizing their emotional position and you not responding to it the way they themselves would or the way they want to manipulate you (consciously or not) into responding. Emotional and associative arguments work on a lot of people in this world (think of the children! or, you wouldn’t like it if it happened to you!) but we are not in that group. Which makes people who DO respond to those arguments think we’re callous. No…just logical.

      • Leelu

        Exactly. My youngest sister was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Although, we share a lot of similarities, there are definite differences that seemed obvious to me. With that said, out of all my siblings (there are 4 of us), she is the one I get along with the best.

  20. Wendy

    I recently found out that I’m an INTJ female. I took the Myers-Brigg test and then asked my boyfriend to take it. He said, “I’m an INTJ”. I was shocked! We’ve been together for 2 years and we’re practically twins. He had taken the test years and years ago (we are in our 40s) when the internet wasn’t mainstream. Although he knew he was an INTJ, he didn’t know what it meant. WOW! It’s nice knowing why we are like twins 🙂 I made my family take it too. Now I proudly tell them that I might not be coming to a family function because I’m an antisocial INTJ… LOL!

    I’ve never had problems with boyfriends/relationships. I HAVE had problems with girlfriends though. I’ve always had 2 girlfriends at any one time (except for the last 10 years once I got married, divorced and now have a boyfriend). I hated and refused to play Barbie dolls and dress up. I loved arts and crafts and reading Encyclopedias and nonfiction. I always have had a constant thirst for knowledge and knowing why things worked the way they did. I LOVED playing with my friend’s brothers (videogames). I always thought I was a tomboy, but now I realize that I was just an INTJ.

    Whenever I’ve had a girlfriend, I would have a habit of stopping all communication at one point or another. Over time I would get so annoyed by the girliness drivel that I would need a BREAK from it. I felt bad for not returning phone calls or not going out for a month – but I need time to myself.

    Even now, with my boyfriend, we both spend a lot of time doing our own things in the same house. We make it a point to have dinners together, spend exclusive time together and we talk every day – but often we are working on our own projects.

    • you know, i have never thought of my childhood like this but you nailed it. I called myself a tomboy but that wasn’t really true; i loved playing dress-up and unicorns and some other very “girly” things…i just found tag more interesting to play than hopscotch or whatever the hell the girls in my class were playing at recess.

      as to meeting another INTJ and feeling like twins…yes. one of my good friends from work is an INTJ, and it is absolutely *eerie* how alike we are especially when it comes to how we feel about the people we work with and how we go about solving problems. i can see where having that immediate ease of understanding makes for a very comfortable romantic relationship. my INTP hubs has a different way of looking at things but we find our views very complimentary. and his anti-socialness is actually worse than mine so that works out too!

      with friends i have found the trick to always be not bothering with the people who don’t delight me and also being clear that sometimes i am going to cancel plans because i just need to be alone. since almost all of my friends are introverts, as well, they understand and give me a pass and i do the same for them.

  21. I’m also a female INTJ… stuck in a family of extroverts.

  22. miranda

    Nice article! Can I copy and paste to a forum named “personality cafe”?

  23. Hi Lily. I am the writer of the article about Hermione and Katniss. I read your post and thought it was great. I too am a passionate libertarian and have also written a novel. It’s good to meet a like-minded individual out there. Keep up the good work!

  24. Thank you for writing this. I’m an INTJ female as well. I often feel like I speak a completely different language. My introversion is my lowest preference, although at around 25% it’s not really borderline. I am over 90% in my N and T, and about 75% J. My MBTI counselor basically told me that I was unusual not only because of my combination but because of the strength of my preferences, wished me good luck, and sent me on my way. It wasn’t until I started researching it more on my own that I began to appreciate why knowing helps.

    And yes, I too, am Hermione. I often feel like the only female who thinks Pinterest sounds like torture. I am looking forward to reading the XX_INTJ subforum,

    • Enjoy the feeling of no longer being alone that the forum offers! They will speak your language there, for sure.

      I am always intrigued by the nuances that happen with the variable preferences for each piece of the typing puzzle. I don’t know whether my preference strengths are unusual (alone or in combination with each other) or not…i never had an actual mbti counselor. as i said in my post i didn’t even know INTJ was a rare type! lol.

  25. Martjie

    Does any other female INTJs battle in an open plan environment and with noise in general?

    • YES. x 10000000000. My office (i work in a small business) moved a couple years ago to an open office plan…there have been days when i ended up in a colleague’s actual office in tears bc i can’t do my job due to the noise and have absolutely no way to escape it at my own desk. Management doesn’t understand how big a problem it is bc they are all extroverts who thrive on noise and bustle and connectivity…they know i complain but they don’t ACTUALLY understand. there was a point when they tried to say no headphones…that would have been a quitting point for me. it’s the only way i can ever concentrate before friday afternoon when everyone else leaves early, and headphones don’t work all the time anyway.

      At home i have a husband who loves to put the TV on in the background even when he’s not watching it. I can’t stand it. so basically if he is home and i want to write, i have to lock myself in the bedroom and even then it’s not as productive a time as when he’s either not home or asleep and i can have a quiet house.

      so…you are definitely not the only one bothered by noise!

  26. AmIspooky?

    64 years to find out that, yes, I am a freak 😀

  27. AmIspooky?

    I think I must be a borderline case; my I is only 11%, N 88%, T 62%, and J only 22%.

    • yeah, your measly 11% introversion preference DOES make you some kind of freak. 🙂

      seriously, I think every MBTI type breaks down along similar lines between the four preferences (i.e., one is very strong, one is very weak, and two are somewhere in between). For some reason a lot of INTJ’s seem to have a strong introversion preference, but to be honest I wonder how much of that might just be social conditioning…the way the questions were framed against “normal” culture of COURSE most of us would rather be alone/in our own heads than dealing with other people’s bullshit.

      • AmIspooky

        Your comment about social conditioning was interesting because my husband’s career involved a lot of social interacting and I had no choice but conform for his sake. I’d like to know what his type results would be, because he has always been so good at giving me my space. At the moment we are are having ‘separation’ time – serious me space, that means I just need to be alone for a while, but he’s there if I want him. How do you others manage with husbands and partners?

      • I would guess that he is either an introvert himself, or very empathetic (likely a Feeler) and/or simply understands you well. I have close friends who are ISTJ and INTJ and INTP (husband), and all of them understand about space because they need it for themselves. My closest extroverted friend is some kind of feeler (she’s never been typed so i am not sure what she is…at a guess ENFP but that’s pure speculation) and she understands that i will break down without my own space and will give it to me when i need it, even from her.

        I recently had a conversation with my dad, who i have always assumed to be an extrovert, where he said he thought i was an extrovert and i explained that being outgoing socially is not the same…that it has to do with whether you focus inside your head or on the world outside you, and he was like “well by that definition i’m an introvert.” so social conditioning can hide a LOT even from people we are close with!

      • To explicitly address your question about how my husband and i do it – i know his tells, when he wants to be left alone, and he knows mine. we do a lot of things together, but we are also comfortable just being home doing our own things. plus with his work schedule and mine being off-set, we have time to ourselves naturally built into our schedules. (it will be interesting to see how having a kid in the picture affects our need for/ability to have alone time). I will admit, it’s rare that either of us goes beyond a day or two being withdrawn into ourself. if he’s needing binge time, he will take a drive somewhere for his weekend. it’s been so long since i’ve needed me time for longer than i naturally got it that i don’t know what i would/will do to get some. probably go see my parents for the weekend, it’s a long drive and i can ignore them in a different way than my husband 🙂

  28. As an INFP male, I am glad to know that INTJ women do in fact exist and arent in actual fact a myth created by some underground world controlling secret society. I only hope I can find one near where I live. Reading this thread/post gave me some much needed hope.

    • Eldritch, I am so happy to hear that my salon has given you hope for the future! My advice for finding an INTJ lady friend is to avoid the places you expect women to be and take a serious look at the women who show up in the places you don’t. My plan if my husband were to leave me/die tragically, for example, is to spend a lot of time in cigar bars and libertarian conferences. Not bc I would be looking for a man per se but because I enjoy those things, and men seem naturally curious about women in settings where one does not usually find women (at least, women there alone versus with a partner). Certain aspects of gaming and cosplay culture also seem to attract INTJS (at least, one of the other ones I know is into those things, and I am certainly into cosplay). That can be harder to parse, though, because so many people are these days. Best of luck to you in your search! Just remember…we ARE out there. And unlike Mulder you now have empirical proof.

      ….unless I am an agent of the conspiracy….

  29. Catherine Hi

    I’m also INTJ female most of the time. I noticed that you wrote a novel. Did you self publish it?

  30. Although I’m not INTJ (I seem to be INFJ) I enjoyed this a lot. It never occurred to me either that the different types are spread unevenly. And I’m also interested in the idea of getting people to re-think structures (something I enjoy as well) as it relates to a creative type, and in using your personality type to make sure your characters aren’t all like you. Very thought-provoking post!

    • INFJ is almost as rare as INTJ (as rare?), and I think our types have a lot in common! And I might be one you especially relate to because my thinnest preference is T over F, so I don’t come off quite as emotionally retarded as the stereotypical INTJ.

      Glad you enjoyed my post and found a lot to think about in it. That is the goal…making you re-think things… 🙂

      • From what I can gather, INFJ and INTJ seem to be the two rarest types—INFJ is rarer overall but INTJ is rarer in women specifically. I do think the types have a lot in common! I relate to a lot of what you talk about in this post.

        Your post actually sparked my own little obsession with typing, haha. I’ve been researching MBTI for days now. It’s so interesting and helpful for both self-reflection and for writing.

  31. lskitty2001

    I believe myself to be an INTJ and I am a girl, but it carries it’s burdens. I’d like to think we’re not that rare, I wouldn’t want to be. And I do wish sometimes that I could be an ENTJ, or something a bit where more people I meet could understand me. The worse case scenario is I may be called rude by an extreme extrovert, but then I try to think, ‘their loss for being so dim.’

    • I think we are about 1 in 100 women…not all that rare in hard numbers but rare per capita. It would take me a while to name 100 other women I ever had a decent enough conversation with to get a sense of their personality. I am not sure i’ve met 100 since college!

      The good news is, I have found that being myself as much as I can really helps with finding compatible personalities, male or female. I don’t ignore the social constructs of basic politeness or anything like that, and if i am in a sensitive situation where i don’t expect to meet people again (say, being introduced to out-of-town clients of my employer) i will hold back, but if it’s a purely social interaction i try to just be me…hang it out there and assume that if i am invited back it’s because someone genuinely likes me. I have found that being freinds with other introverts, regardless of type beyond that, is really rewarding, because we’ll have a lot of social issues in common, but i also really enjoy the extroverted women in my workplace. i don’t know that i would want to be in their closest sphere of friendship – that would be exhausting! – but second or third tier is good. we can go out on occasion, when they have no one else and i am not feeling barn-sour, and they will take the burden of conversation if i don’t feel talkative. and if i do, then it’s a good night to put that part of my personality through its paces.

      but my rule of thumb on people who don’t like me is that i’d rather know it up front and not waste time making myself uncomfortable in order to try and win their approval. it would be approval based on a lie, anyway, so what’s the point?

  32. Leelu

    I enjoyed your post. Recently, I had an experience that made me reflect on how and why I think the way that I do. It’s funny, because my husband would argue that I’m one of the more emotional people he knows, though if he could see what goes on in my mind, he might reconsider that.

    • ha ha, that’s opposite the perception of most about INTJ’s, that we have no emotions while inside we;re like, “no…i have feels. i just don’t let them control me!” there may also be something to the intimacy of the marital relationship bringing emotions out more. my husband can make me cry in about 2 minutes flat if he wants to needle me, and most of the time i’m not even upset so much as frustrated that he just thought circles around me and i don’t know how to win. but he thinks i’m hyperemotional bc all he can see is the expression of emotion not the thoughts behind it.

      as to reflecting on how you think – i think for me, even beyond reading about types and what they mean, MEETING another INTJ for the first time was like coming out of plato’s cave. i am not great at seeing myself clearly
      (who is, really) so it was like finally being able to observe myself as others do. very eye-opening.

      • Leelu

        Exactly. My husband has been the sole witness to what I like to call fits of emotional regurgitation. My best friend on the other hand has never seen this and often asks me how I am when we are together because she can’t read me.

  33. AmIspooky

    Strange one maybe, but how do you guys feel about owning a dog? All that doggie devotion shining out of those eyes. Personally, I can’t do it, and I much prefer my cats.

    • Ha ha, that is a funny one. Especially because a lot of emotionally stunted people (not casting an aspersion here, just picking an even more extreme exple than an INTJ) seem to find bonding with animals wasier than people.

      We have a dog. I also have a cat (hubs ignores her and vice versa). I can’t imagine not having a dog…but we were both raised with dogs, and we made a point to get a very laid-back one who is cool just being in the room (vs needing constant attention).

      If y’all prefer the cat I would think it’s a dog person cat person thing, not an MBTI thing.

      • AmIspooky

        Stunted? I bond extremely well with my cats, thank you. They have their space, I have mine. And I don’t share their rodents. 😉

  34. I took the test yesterday for the first time . I read about it a month ago .but only yesterday decided to search the web more and took it.
    Im iNTJ I retook it for 5 times now and it didnt change ! So im reading now about being INTJ . Then searched the Web about women INTJ ended up here . Read the post ( I loved the pop culture part . Always understode and love Hermion never got katnis .
    Hmm . And now im terrified by this fact ! Try being a clever girl in the third world . And also in the arab world ! Im lucky with my family . They are supporting me till the end . But unlucky with my colleague or even my master degree supervisor . They all act like im a threat that they need to get rid off it !
    I’ve always find social stuff the hardest thing to do . Basically I dont talk much . And find the parties boring . I can figure out ppl moods . But I only give solutions .. I care but I dont know how to show it . . But also I dont like to get involved in small talks or gossips .. or chitchat stuff . .
    Had a love connection .. for 5 years . He ended it .. its hard . . He was a very smart young man .. who ended up cheating !! I guess smart doesn’t mean loyalty . .
    Hmm . P.s : is it normal to have mood swings ? Depressions ? And being dramatic ?!-_- I keep reading that INTJ are cold .. and I dont think im that cold .. ( I get cold if ppl are not enthusiastic to work or think !!) ..
    -_- p.s 2 . Sorry for my bad writing . English is my second language .

    • AmIspooky

      “I keep reading that INTJ are cold ..”
      You sound very typical of INTJ. I don’t think we are generally cold, maybe ‘controlled’ would be a better word, but I can certainly turn cold towards people in certain situations. I don’t envy your situation in your location.
      P.S. Your English is excellent!

      • I think controlled is a better word . . I love to think of every possibility . Be prepared and act !.. so being in control is my best quality . Try explaining all the possibilities to many who don’t even know that there is other possibilities in our world !
        ..
        Its hard to survive here . Im blessed with a loving family .. few amazing friends . But since 9 I was labelled as a nerd . Bookworm . Antisocial . Non normal girl . Who cant get the girly world .. a threat to every one as I tend to do my best ..
        -_- other clever girls in my class somehow can made social stuff . But I just couldn’t … my male colleague always looked at me as a clever mind to talk with and Compete ( and that includes unfair competing !)
        I guess its normal .. -_- !

      • It sounds to me like you have a very typical INTJ pattern! Struggle with traditional feminine roles, interact with males more as a colleague than a romantic interest…yep. I can only imagine the cultural context behind you, but it is probably more difficult not to conform to the Female archetype. At least in the States we give lip service to rebelling against cultural norms and following the beat of your own drum.

        As to emotions: i think INTJs are just more private about emotions and passions. I don’t think i am at all cold or passionless or unemotional – i fear sometimes i am TOO emotional – but i don’t throw my emotions out into the world or share them easily. (in writing, yes, but not in person.) My husband has told me he thinks i don’t show much emotion, which was honestly surprising considering he sees me cry 99% of the time i get that upset. But i suppose i seem that way, even to him. I hate conflict, so i will almost never engage in an argument when his emotions are high…i feel emotions are generally irrelevant to discussions, so i try to keep them out. I get overwhelmed by my emotional reactions, then embarrassed by them, and only when i can explain why they are happening do i feel comfortable expressing them to someone else, only then i find myself speaking dismissively of them because they are explicable. I think this is fairly typical INTJ pattern. We internalize our feelings and rarely take them to anyone else until we have them under control, at which point we no longer need to. But at no point in that process do we feel ourselves to actually be cold or emotionless…that is simply how we appear.

        Glad you found my salon here! Welcome.

        >

      • Hi.
        I guess one of the reasons that INTJ females are rare . Is stereotyping women . In my world its difficult for some girls to admit thier great ability of deconstruction and rebuilding the Community look to them or even simple literature or simple idea of their capability of changing .
        and I think the world is in no better place . Still we can see women as models but not leaders . And even if media decided to offer us a different image its always talks about how poor little girl struggles with being a normal ‘beautiful’ girl !
        In harry potter series . We saw hermione struggling with the idea of being a normal girl .. and being accepted by Ron ! .. its never the idea of how she is a great clever girl . Its always the idea of overcoming her ‘weirdness’ and become normal ..
        And yes . It may be more interesting to write about the struggle to be accepted but who said that being successful is easy !
        Though u are lucky to have harmonie and katnis in ur pop culture . They are not the main part of the teenagers girls here . They still have plenty of stories about women giving up thier dreams to let others be successful !

  35. Intj

    Same here it sucks, stay strong the world is your playground

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