This is a sister post to my previous discussion on being an INTJ writer.
I regard myself as being pretty self-aware in general. Often my conflicts with other people revolve around my sense of their lack in self-awareness. I know my own faults and strengths, and I work to alleviate the former and add to the latter. Where I think I lack the most perspective about myself, and always have, is the places I am different from other people in the way I think about the world.
This…lack of comparitive experience usually comes up when someone is describing me to myself. For example, my best friend’s dad, in the midst of a conversation about conflicts with my co-workers exclaimed out of nowhere (from my perspective), “My God, you are analytical!”
My mother-in-law has told me she really admires my ability to look at a large project and then break it down to its constituent parts in order to manage it, while she “would just sit there and stare at it and be overwhelmed.”
One of my best friends (an ex-boss…same job with the conflicts) has told me she is amazed by my ability to shrug off criticism and personal attacks, when to me it’s simply a matter of calibrating whether the criticim is valid, regardless of its source, and then whether the opinion of the source matters to me. If either answer is no, then I can dismiss it because the sentiment doesn’t affect me. It’s not worth my time to notice. (This attitude sometimes bites me in the arse, such as that job, when I failed to consider that my co-workers’ bad opinion of me might extend beyond personal dislike and into professional sabatoge…but, then, who really expects a Beastie Boys song to become their life?)
But in the absence of someone making a comment like this to me, I tend to not think about the peculiarities inherent in my mode of thought.
Today, however, I shoved my own face in it. I was working on (still am working on, I should say) my post for the AmWriting blog for next week, and I just…sort of noticed how I was breaking down the concept into very logical little pieces that together could form something of a process. For people like me, who like to examine something angle by angle and only when all pieces have been considered step back to look once more at the whole.
I don’t know if I like the process I put down on paper or not. So far it sounds very prescriptive, and as though I approach the task with nothing but logic, when in fact I am much more intuitive about it…this is simply my explanation of what my intuition is sifting through sub-consciously to arrive at its conclusions.
But how do I explain THAT part of the process?….