How To Lose Readers And Alienate Friends

Step 1: Participate in NaNoWriMo.

This entails spending all of your free time for a month writing, instead of just some of it.  You won’t go out with your friends for the duration, and they will all think you’re being a jerk–or if you go out with one of them, the rest will think you’re an even bigger jerk for not making the same time for them.

Step 2: Stop blogging with your usual verve and frequency.

Because, duh, you’re spending your writing time writing your novel, not blog posts.

Step 3: Make sure 90% of the people who read your blog are other writers.

That way, they’ll be doing NaNoWriMo, too. That way no one will bother to come and look at the few posts you do manage to get up that aren’t self-indulgent whinging about how far you still have to go, or self-congratulatory boastings of beating your goals.

Step 4: Get depressed watching your monthly reading statistics freefall to about 10% of what they used to be.

Really there is no other reaction to that. Except possibly the depression that happens the moment after you realize those 59 page views were really somebody’s spambot.

Step 5: Don’t finish NaNo so then you look like a jerk and a loser.

Because we all know the one thing worse than being DFL is being DNF.

Step 6: Vow to conquer NaNo next year so you have something to show for your loss.

Yes.  I do believe #6 is the key.


Okay, so this was meant to be a joke. It sounded funnier in my head. Here it does just sort of look whiny and pathetic. I promise it’s not meant to be! I’m just being self-depracating, but I don’t mean you to infer that I regret attempting NaNoWriMo or that I think you, my lovely readers, won’t be trickling back in now that November is over!



Filed under Ramblings

2 responses to “How To Lose Readers And Alienate Friends

  1. Hehehe… I get it. The real work starts on December 1 again trying to win back blog readers. Mmmmmmm.

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